i'm at the fine grind, where i was scheduled to work from 12-4. it's kind of dead here so they're not having me work after all, or at least until later if people suddenly flood in.
i have some things to do/read so i'm taking the opportunity to overcaffeinate myself on an americano and contemplate peace corps essays/avoid writing peace corps essays by instead blogging about them.
so, peace corps essays. a couple of things about them. 1) i don't feel like writing them. 2) once i write them, there will be nothing in the way of me submitting my application, at which point i will be a peace corps candidate, at which point they could accept me at any time and take me away from portland and all my friends.
so... i just really don't want to work on my application.
but this is the thing. i have always been a super active high-achieving ambitious type. and i look at where i am right now, especially in light of rumors of others' accomplishments at the UN, or in Cambodia, or at a NYC AIDS clinic, or wherever, and i think: what?? i never pictured myself still being kind of lost, and working at a coffee shop, at age 26. but also, i hear about others' fancy jobs/educations and i know that i don't want to do those things. but basically if i stay in portland, i will never do anything, and my fun life will not look so cute when i am 35.
for whatever reason, peace corps seems like the obvious way out. for one thing, i am then busy for 2 years doing something respectable and exciting, and am freed of all responsibilities for planning for my future for those two years. and, better, i plan to become a better/more able/more focused/more skilled person during those two years. i will surely come back with an established and inspiring sense of self and purpose. and language skills. right??
i'm feeling a little tight-chested. though, that could be caffeination. it's telling me that's spelled wrong but i don't believe it. so, a weird thing that is happening: americanos make me feel twitchy but lattes don't. why? why??
ok, another thing in the works (hanging menacingly overhead). moving! from the blivion! there is talk of, and serious talk of, and in fact planning for, tara and i moving from the blivion into some house in NE with taya and silvija. the blivion's final death cry will soon sound. WHAT ABOUT DORK CLUB?? it will shriek. tara and i will lower our heads and murmur:
honey, dork club died a long, long time ago.
this website seems cool: http://www.airtightinteractive.com/projects/related_tag_browser/app/
images from it are somewhere in this post
1 comment:
part three.
growing up is hard.
but see, your inspired, if nervous, post has inspired me to do... something. Right now. Instead of wallowing in the michigan-induced self-pity.
But, obviously, I understand all your concerns. Had them myself. Still have them, perhaps?
What happens when portland is not longer the bastion of everything/everyone good and right in the world?
ack!
I'm not sure this makes much sense, but I feel you.
heart.
m
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